4/24/13

Rainbows

oh blogging. 
So nuts sometimes.  I want to share some things, and some things I just want to document so I have them forever, and some things I want to keep to myself.  For all kinds of reasons, all three of these really confuse me.  Sometimes I write about them to get through them, and sometimes I just ignore them and then, later, realize that I want to have them documented.   And then, sometimes, I realize that too much of my crazy may come out and people will wonder why they are here in the first place.  I understand if any of these should occur during this long, drawn out, boring to most anyone but me, and overall pretty unbalanced, post.
  ok.  There is a disclaimer of sorts.  Basically, I really get on a kick when I get on one.
Way back, at the end of med school, when Jeff was trying to decide where he would do his residency, we drove to Tyler for Second Look.  Jeff had heard great things about the Tyler residency and had actually done an away rotation there his fourth year of med school and loved it.  I was ok with the idea, but really just wanted to know where would be the best place for us to go.  I had heard Tyler was great, but I just wanted, like, a sign.  (ahh. There it is- the crazy side.)
So, on the way there, Jeff and I prayed that God would really show us where would be a good fit for him and the kids and I, and all of that.  
After we got to Second Look, they had a few activities for us to do like play volleyball as a group (that should have been a sign right there.  why on earth did we get a ton of medical nerds to play volleyball to prove they were a) a fun group of residents or b) an applicant that they wanted to come to their program??  Lack of coordination, sweat stains and pale arms all around),  went to dinner at someone's house where we had to make small talk with everyone we didnt know (ugh. hell.), and hung out at a park looking at everyone's clothes and tried to decipher who was normal based on their outerwear. Fun all around.
That afternoon we decided to drive around and check out Tyler.  It had started to rain on us while we were looking at houses. While we were trying to figure out where we were exactly, we looked up and saw the biggest rainbow right in front of us.
rainbow in tyler
(And now, about four years later I am realizing it may have been a double rainbow.  That could really have changed a lot of things.)
We kind of took that with the fact that we liked the size, proximity, schedule and people, and decided that really was affirmation that this could be the place for us.  It was just so cool that we got that little bit of encouragement in a personal way from God.
Then, we had a Noah's Ark party for the kids where I got excited and wore a homemade rainbow.
rainbow shirt with sass
(and my fake hair.  I loved that fake hair.)
Jeff ranked Tyler first on his match list and, thankfully, ended up matching to Tyler.
We were thrilled and so thankful and excited.
And so so sad.  I am sure you all remember all that whining.
Then, on our last night in Lubbock, surrounded by boxes and pizza, we got another dose of encouragement in our back yard.
rainbow lubbock
(and yet again, is it a double?  how did I not see that?)
last day in lubbock
(last few hours in lubbock with ashy knees)
It just meant so much to use knowing, not that we had done the "right" thing or anything like that, or that it would be easy, but for me it just meant that God was with us and would always be with us. And He would be faithful.
So, I quickly adopted the rainbow as a family sign and have since run with that.
IMG_3753
Pretty quick after that, I had my cousin lins draw me up a design for a rainbow tattoo.  She is incredibly talented and she designed this gorgeousness.
And then, against all my fears, we ended up meeting incredible people here that have changed my life forever.  And, yet again, I am more than crushed to move on from this amazing place.  But thats too soon- Ill come back to that.
IMG_0582
I talked so much about rainbows that my friends in Tyler threw me a rainbow party, complete with any and all rainbow paraphernalia.  Brooke gave me a coin purse that says "Im not gay, I just really love rainbows" and it is amazing.
Then, over my birthday this past year I finally got the rainbow tattoo.
IMG_4928
IMG_4931
That was morning 1, and it has since faded a lot.
 I want to get it touched up by my girl Ellie, but I dont know where she is right now.
Loved Lone Star Tattoos in Plano (how cool to get a tattoo in the suburbs, by the way.  Really cool).  I copied Jennifer and we got love there, and I have shine that Ellie did on my other arm, too.  She really is so great.
shine
(and above shine is doulos that jeff drew and has matching on his thigh that we got our first year in lubbock.  and it means servant.  and, in full disclosure, Lindsay and I have matching fish on the tops of our feet from my first week in college.  When I told my mom she cried and said she didnt know me anymore.  It is about a half inch in diameter.  We have since moved on).
SO, longest back story ever.
When Jeff got his job, his parents (who will live close by) started looking at houses that were for sale (or not) and found one that wasnt really for sale but they had heard that the owner wanted to sell.  They called her, walked through, sent us pics and we came down to check it out.  It is kind of a different house and has lots of quirks (like a bright pink bathroom that you have to step up to get into that is actually the master bath that is across the hall from the master bedroom... you get the idea.  oh and, birds on the floor in the breakfast nook, etc, etc), so I was not really sure I would love it.
We came into town the next weekend and the owner said that she would be happy to show it to us.  When we walked in, to the right of the front door is this beautiful window that we noticed immediately.
rainbow window
The owner pointed it out to us and showed us how, when the light shines through it, it makes rainbows on the floor.
rainbows on the floor
(that are, of course, super hard to see in this pic)
and we just looked at each other and mouthed "rainbows on the floor!" and high fived like little kids and paid zero attention to the rest of the house.  We just felt like God was with us.  We didnt have to move into this particular house, I dont feel like (though we are).  We just knew that He was with us as much here as He was in Tyler.  Which could be seen as kind of obvious.  But, since moving is my kryptonite, I kind of need extra attention.
And so, that is the story of our new house.  Since then, we have sold the house of my dreams here in tyler and we are all so sad and thankful at the same time.
IMG_6526
And I will hold off for another post about how much I love this house and how much it means to me and all that it has been through with me.  That can be another day.  I will leave this with how thankful we are for every step along the way in this. The whole thing.  How we have been led, and cared for, and loved throughout every moment, even when so many time it didnt feel that way.  I dont want to use weird lingo and I really don't know how to say any of this.  I just know that I have seen and felt God in a real way in my life that has been consistent and affirming and it has changed my life.  I know that not everyone has this same rainbow of a story.  That so many people have felt just the opposite.  I will not say that is has been all unicorns and rainbows the whole way, or that there have not been times that I have felt more alone than I thought I would be able to handle.  I am just highlighting the big times that I have felt taken care of and trying to always remember to focus on those.  To remember when I felt God and His guidance in my life for the times when I can not see it. Loneliness runs so deep and can affect you in such an intense way.  Moving and remembering the loneliness of not knowing anyone, feeling the loneliness of leaving what I know behind, and going somewhere new has been really heavy on me lately.  Kind of turned me into someone even more crazy than someone who tattoos rainbows on her body and believes in signs.  And I HATE IT.  I am trying to have peace and courage and be vulnerable through it all, but it is hard.
So, thanks for indulging me.

8 comments:

Cassie, Alex & Dresden said...

This post was so beautiful and honest - loved it, as a fellow believer in signs and affirmations. I love your tattoos, too! Cracked me up the part about your mom not knowing you anymore; mine had a similar reaction, ha! I know you will make just as wonderful a place for yourself in your new home; wishing you the best of luck and lots and lots of rainbows! :-D

Lena said...

I completely understand you. We are moving as well next month and it is the saddest thing. Keep your positive thoughts, rainbow girl!

mark and elizabeth said...

loved this post kristen!! thanks for sharing it. i love your heart and i feel the exact same way. i actually just wrote a little about it on my blog too (also just for me to document and think through as i write it and probably no one else will care but it feels good to get it out. and then we can see that we're not alone.) and its also so encouraging to know that yall made it through residency! crazy! i feel like we'll never get there. but i know we will and it will be fine. anyway... thanks for writing this. God is good. all the time!! and I think he knows that us crazies need little signs to get us through these crazy times! my signs at each place we've moved as been doves. :) weird i know. but so peaceful and reassuring to me ha maybe i should get a dove tattoo?! :)

Leslie said...

I think u are still one of the most amazing people I've ever met and I LOVE those tats!!!! Hang in there and know an exciting and wonderful journey is ahead your family!!!!

Misty said...

As always, you just have a way with words & I'm sitting here with tears running down my cheeks. {another favorite blogger of mine is into rainbows and crafts like you, i'll send you her link} anyway, what an amazing sign. I totally get it & it's not crazy {or else I'm crazy too} My 'sign' or what I call my sign, is a song. I remember the moment I met my husband for the first time. {I kept the shirts we were wearing that night to make something out of them one day} anyway, I noted in the back of my mind the song.... then when I was in a restaurant secretly taking a pregnancy test {with fingers crossed} that song was playing while I made my way to the bathroom, and again when we were trying to figure out what in the world to do about Lyndon's job the week before Thanksgiving last year..... we went with it... it isn't the easiest arrangement ever, but it's 100% the right decision & now we are facing a move & I am so at peace with it. {which is TOTALLY CRAZY because I do NOT handle change well. ever. never have} I believe God gives us these subtle and not so subtle signs to reassure us & bring us comfort. We just have to willing to listen :) So, with all of that said, Kristin, you're not crazy! :) I think this may be one of my all time favorite posts & I'll keep your family in my prayers for a smooth transition with the move. I can't wait to see pictures of the birds on the floor. please post pics of the birds,ha! :) ps I love your tattoos & *one day* I'll get the courage to get an anchor. maybe I'll just keep walking in and out of tattoo shops until I hear the song *wink*

Misty said...

As always, you just have a way with words & I'm sitting here with tears running down my cheeks. {another favorite blogger of mine is into rainbows and crafts like you, i'll send you her link} anyway, what an amazing sign. I totally get it & it's not crazy {or else I'm crazy too} My 'sign' or what I call my sign, is a song. I remember the moment I met my husband for the first time. {I kept the shirts we were wearing that night to make something out of them one day} anyway, I noted in the back of my mind the song.... then when I was in a restaurant secretly taking a pregnancy test {with fingers crossed} that song was playing while I made my way to the bathroom, and again when we were trying to figure out what in the world to do about Lyndon's job the week before Thanksgiving last year..... we went with it... it isn't the easiest arrangement ever, but it's 100% the right decision & now we are facing a move & I am so at peace with it. {which is TOTALLY CRAZY because I do NOT handle change well. ever. never have} I believe God gives us these subtle and not so subtle signs to reassure us & bring us comfort. We just have to willing to listen :) So, with all of that said, Kristin, you're not crazy! :) I think this may be one of my all time favorite posts & I'll keep your family in my prayers for a smooth transition with the move. I can't wait to see pictures of the birds on the floor. please post pics of the birds,ha! :) ps I love your tattoos & *one day* I'll get the courage to get an anchor. maybe I'll just keep walking in and out of tattoo shops until I hear the song *wink*

Camila said...

Love this post and love your rainbows!! Also, I have to tell you one of the products I sell for It Works! this girl discovered by accident that it totally restored her faded tattoos back to their glory. Google search It Works Defining gel restoring tattoos and you can see pics. I can tell you more if interested. XOXO

Misty said...

here is the link to Meg's blog http://megduerksen.typepad.com/

my dream is to go to one of her craft weekends. I have been on the waiting list since the stone age lol She is awesome!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...