Rainbows

oh blogging. 

So nuts sometimes.  I want to share some things, and some things I just want to document so I have them forever, and some things I want to keep to myself.  For all kinds of reasons, all three of these really confuse me.  Sometimes I write about them to get through them, and sometimes I just ignore them and then, later, realize that I want to have them documented.   And then, sometimes, I realize that too much of my crazy may come out and people will wonder why they are here in the first place.  I understand if any of these should occur during this long, drawn out, boring to most anyone but me, and overall pretty unbalanced, post.
  ok.  There is a disclaimer of sorts.  Basically, I really get on a kick when I get on one.

Way back, at the end of med school, when Jeff was trying to decide where he would do his residency, we drove to Tyler for Second Look.  Jeff had heard great things about the Tyler residency and had actually done an away rotation there his fourth year of med school and loved it.  I was ok with the idea, but really just wanted to know where would be the best place for us to go.  I had heard Tyler was great, but I just wanted, like, a sign.  (ahh. There it is- the crazy side.)
So, on the way there, Jeff and I prayed that God would really show us where would be a good fit for him and the kids and I, and all of that.  

After we got to Second Look, they had a few activities for us to do like play volleyball as a group (that should have been a sign right there.  why on earth did we get a ton of medical nerds to play volleyball to prove they were a) a fun group of residents or b) an applicant that they wanted to come to their program??  Lack of coordination, sweat stains and pale arms all around),  went to dinner at someone's house where we had to make small talk with everyone we didnt know (ugh. hell.), and hung out at a park looking at everyone's clothes and tried to decipher who was normal based on their outerwear. Fun all around.

That afternoon we decided to drive around and check out Tyler.  It had started to rain on us while we were looking at houses. While we were trying to figure out where we were exactly, we looked up and saw the biggest rainbow right in front of us.

(And now, about four years later I am realizing it may have been a double rainbow.  That could really have changed a lot of things.)
We kind of took that with the fact that we liked the size, proximity, schedule and people, and decided that really was affirmation that this could be the place for us.  It was just so cool that we got that little bit of encouragement in a personal way from God.
Then, we had a Noah's Ark party for the kids where I got excited and wore a homemade rainbow.

(and my fake hair.  I loved that fake hair.)
Jeff ranked Tyler first on his match list and, thankfully, ended up matching to Tyler.
We were thrilled and so thankful and excited.
And so so sad.  I am sure you all remember all that whining.
Then, on our last night in Lubbock, surrounded by boxes and pizza, we got another dose of encouragement in our back yard.

(and yet again, is it a double?  how did I not see that?)

(last few hours in lubbock with ashy knees)
It just meant so much to use knowing, not that we had done the "right" thing or anything like that, or that it would be easy, but for me it just meant that God was with us and would always be with us. And He would be faithful.
So, I quickly adopted the rainbow as a family sign and have since run with that.

Pretty quick after that, I had my cousin lins draw me up a design for a rainbow tattoo.  She is incredibly talented and she designed this gorgeousness.
And then, against all my fears, we ended up meeting incredible people here that have changed my life forever.  And, yet again, I am more than crushed to move on from this amazing place.  But thats too soon- Ill come back to that.

I talked so much about rainbows that my friends in Tyler threw me a rainbow party, complete with any and all rainbow paraphernalia.  Brooke gave me a coin purse that says "Im not gay, I just really love rainbows" and it is amazing.
Then, over my birthday this past year I finally got the rainbow tattoo.


That was morning 1, and it has since faded a lot.
 I want to get it touched up by my girl Ellie, but I dont know where she is right now.
Loved Lone Star Tattoos in Plano (how cool to get a tattoo in the suburbs, by the way.  Really cool).  I copied Jennifer and we got love there, and I have shine that Ellie did on my other arm, too.  She really is so great.

(and above shine is doulos that jeff drew and has matching on his thigh that we got our first year in lubbock.  and it means servant.  and, in full disclosure, Lindsay and I have matching fish on the tops of our feet from my first week in college.  When I told my mom she cried and said she didnt know me anymore.  It is about a half inch in diameter.  We have since moved on).
SO, longest back story ever.
When Jeff got his job, his parents (who will live close by) started looking at houses that were for sale (or not) and found one that wasnt really for sale but they had heard that the owner wanted to sell.  They called her, walked through, sent us pics and we came down to check it out.  It is kind of a different house and has lots of quirks (like a bright pink bathroom that you have to step up to get into that is actually the master bath that is across the hall from the master bedroom... you get the idea.  oh and, birds on the floor in the breakfast nook, etc, etc), so I was not really sure I would love it.
We came into town the next weekend and the owner said that she would be happy to show it to us.  When we walked in, to the right of the front door is this beautiful window that we noticed immediately.

The owner pointed it out to us and showed us how, when the light shines through it, it makes rainbows on the floor.

(that are, of course, super hard to see in this pic)
and we just looked at each other and mouthed "rainbows on the floor!" and high fived like little kids and paid zero attention to the rest of the house.  We just felt like God was with us.  We didnt have to move into this particular house, I dont feel like (though we are).  We just knew that He was with us as much here as He was in Tyler.  Which could be seen as kind of obvious.  But, since moving is my kryptonite, I kind of need extra attention.
And so, that is the story of our new house.  Since then, we have sold the house of my dreams here in tyler and we are all so sad and thankful at the same time.

And I will hold off for another post about how much I love this house and how much it means to me and all that it has been through with me.  That can be another day.  I will leave this with how thankful we are for every step along the way in this. The whole thing.  How we have been led, and cared for, and loved throughout every moment, even when so many time it didnt feel that way.  I dont want to use weird lingo and I really don't know how to say any of this.  I just know that I have seen and felt God in a real way in my life that has been consistent and affirming and it has changed my life.  I know that not everyone has this same rainbow of a story.  That so many people have felt just the opposite.  I will not say that is has been all unicorns and rainbows the whole way, or that there have not been times that I have felt more alone than I thought I would be able to handle.  I am just highlighting the big times that I have felt taken care of and trying to always remember to focus on those.  To remember when I felt God and His guidance in my life for the times when I can not see it. Loneliness runs so deep and can affect you in such an intense way.  Moving and remembering the loneliness of not knowing anyone, feeling the loneliness of leaving what I know behind, and going somewhere new has been really heavy on me lately.  Kind of turned me into someone even more crazy than someone who tattoos rainbows on her body and believes in signs.  And I HATE IT.  I am trying to have peace and courage and be vulnerable through it all, but it is hard.
So, thanks for indulging me.

143

Also known in pager code as "I love you."
I is 1 letter, love is 4 letters and you is 3 letters. 

143 has always been something special between my sister and I. We are 10 years apart so when I was in high school and pagers were the cool thing to have, she was 6 years old. She picked up on a few things from me having a pager, 143 being one of them. From then on out, 143 is always how we said I love you to each other. 

Let me get a little off topic for a bit now. (it will all tie together in the end) My sister Anna has a few tattoos. Some small and some big. I have never really been the tattoo type or really cared to get one. I wasn't against them in any way, just never really had something I wanted to put on my body forever. 

For my sister's 21st birthday last year, I told her that my gift was to get a matching tattoo with her. She was beyond thrilled and shocked. At first I thought we would do it right then and there but I got nervous. Anna was so patient with me as I kept postponing the tattoos over and over again.

Finally, after almost 1 year of talking the talk, we did it! A few weeks ago, my sister and I got matching tattoos!
We printed off a few different fonts and after I stared at them for hours, we picked one.

I paced up and down the tattoo shop with this paper on my wrist and kept talking out loud to myself. I was so excited and a nervous wreck all at the same time.

 Anna was the exact opposite. As calm and cool as you could get. Anna wanted hers a little thicker and bigger so two different guys did our tattoos. We were in two rooms side by side. My mom (yes our mom is the cool mom that went with us) went from room to room taking our pics.

Here we are with our bare wrists before.

Bob called right before and I am saying in a very excited loud voice, "I gotta go babe, I"M GETTING A TATTOO RIGHT NOW!" 

I couldn't watch. I just laughed and kept saying, I can't believe this is happening. It didn't hurt at all. I do feel like I have a high pain tolerance though. Or maybe it's the fact that I have been through some physical pain in my life, that made this feel like nothing. 

Then there is Anna, watching the whole thing and having a normal conversation with her guy.

Adam was the guy who did mine and he was so nice. He kept telling me that I will be back because no one has just one tattoo. He said you either have none or multiple. Not me I told him. I am a one tattoo kind of girl.

Here we are after!
 
I didn't tell my girls what I was doing and just thought maybe they wouldn't notice. Boy was I wrong. The next morning as I was fixing Ella breakfast she spotted it immediately and said, Mom! What is on your arm? Ha! If Ella and McKenna ever want to get a tattoo when they are older, my rule is not any bigger or more than her mom has. Bob was great with my tattoo choice too. He will always be the guy with none but has a good sense of humor about mine. The other day he was playing with the girls and they all called me in the room to show me something. He had tattooed everyone with marker. Even the baby doll. Love him.

Here is what it looks like today, about a month after it was done.

I'm still in shock that I have a tattoo but I love it so much and think it is so special that we both have 143 on our wrists.