4th Birthday for B&S and a little birth recollecting

(memorial day weekend at my in laws 2008)

I wish I could remember what day it was when I found out that I was having twins. 

It must have been a tuesday or a thursday because avery was at school, and it was later in the afternoon, because allison was going to pick her up.

I found out that I was pregnant a few months earlier, and didn't go to the dr because I really wasn't ready to be pregnant.  I know that that sounds so trite and selfish, and now, knowing so many people who struggle to get pregnant and want a child so badly, I realize that, but at the time I just wasn't ready.  So I put it off.
A long time.
Til I was maybe 14 weeks?  I really don't remember exactly.

I do remember the drs appt that day, though.
I remember laying there, on the table, with the sweet sonogrammer. I looked up at the screen and thought it was broken- it was a split screen. 

The usual health issues and worries had been in my head about the baby but nothing about twins.  It had truly never occurred to me. 

Then, I remember this with the most precise detail, when the Dr walked in he asked me, "How many babies did you order?!"

And I grabbed his leg.

I told him that you do not joke with people like that, in my most serious voice.

He, however, was not joking.

Then, I let out the cry that was heard around the world.

I called allison and told her to come up right away.  She had to come get the carseat out of my car (because I had forgotten to give it to her) and it was getting to be close to the time to pick her up, so she was very confused and didn't really know what to do- was she supposed to get aves or rush to see whatever her dramatic friend was probably blowing out of proportion??  I could tell she was trying to say she would love to but didn't think there was time when I just let it slip that she had to see how many kids I was having and hung up. 

She, of course, came right up.

Allison burst into the exact right amount of happy tears and laughed with excitement.  She felt all the right feelings and was so overwhelmed with happiness that she was crying.

I was not crying because of overwhelming happiness.

I was crying out of dread and fear.

I could not wait to call my parents and lindsay (who were both out of town and hard to reach.  So, I of course stalked them) and when I finally got to tell them they all laughed with excitement and encouragement while I tried to whine about how scared I was.  (I am truly so blessed by the amazing people in my life.)

I went on like this for much too long- trying to convince everyone why I was wrong to be the one having twins.  God had it all messed up.  Twin parents were organized and scheduled and planners.  I can barely shower with one kid (or before kids) much less put four people on a schedule.  I loved having avery as my constant companion and best friend who did everything with me. I didnt want to mess that up or the life that I was leading that enabled me to take her everywhere and not worry about bringing a million things.  I was about to have my whole backseat full of carseats.  That doesn't make it very easy to just stop by friends houses or make a quick trip to see family.
My favorite thing to say in all of this was, that I didn't know why multiples were even an option.  Why is it even possible to have more than one child at a time?? One kid is hard enough.

I cried and cried so much for the next four months that I think I drove everyone around me crazy.

And when strangers aren't commenting on how huge you are, they are saying how much they always wanted twins.  

I bet you did lady.

But magically, at 4:30am on May 30, all those feelings of fear and anxiety and anger at this new kid-centric world that I was about to live in, left, when I went into labor 8 1/2 weeks early.

I begged my dr to let me have them with just an epidural so that I could still pick up avery and not worry about the healing process of a c-section. She was very weary of this, but since they were only 4 lbs and facing down, she let me go for it.

Ben was first and was set to come out just fine.
Until sawyer kept trying to push ben out of the way.
 They broke his water to see if that would allow ben to come.  She still kept pushing, so they ended up having to break her water, too.  She still kept trying to come out first, but he managed to finagle his way out.  After he came out and they said "its a boy!" (and jeff said "we're done!"), sawyer pushed her cord out, it prolapsed and I had to have an emergency c-scetion.
Sassy.  That girl has had her own ideas since before she came out to breath air.
(So much for trying to make my own plans.  I should have figured out I wasn't in a control by then, but I really cant be told enough that I am NOT.)  She was a little bit blue and had to be given oxygen and they put them both in the NICU right away.
She pinked up quickly and was in with ben in no time.


All of a sudden, I was so sad for the people that just had one baby in the NICU to visit.  I just felt so overwhelmed with love and excitement and joy.  Just like with avery- even though I didn't know it could be possible to love like that again.

It was, again, the best day of my life.
And just like every parent says, it goes too fast.

There were lots of nights where we were all crying and lots of nights where I would just sit and stare at them. I prayed that I would not wish this time away because I knew how much I would want it back.
Just like that they were real sized babies;

And then they were huge babies.


And, somehow, without me even really knowing it, they became kids.

And I cant tell you how much I look back on that time when they were babies with the most fond and perfect memories.
When I listen to them talk to each other, or play together when I am in the other room, or laugh at each other until they cant breathe- now, I think I know why twins are a possibility.

(memorial day 2012 at my in laws house)

Maybe the whole reason they were even an idea in the first place was so that I could have them.
And they could change my life.
Happy Birthday Ben and Sawyer.

Thanks again for changing what my definition of happiness was and making it a whole lot better.

line dancing, flowers and mud pies

I'm a little behind on a weekend post but I hope everyone had a wonderful Memorial day weekend! Memorial day weekend is actually when Bob and I first met. It was at Kristen's parents lake house and I will never forget it. When Bob first introduced himself to me I thought he was joking when he said "hi I'm Bob." I could tell he was a guy with a good sense of humor and for some reason I couldn't take him seriously. Once I realized Bob was really his name, I began to really take a liking to him. I will never forget playing scattergories with everyone that weekend. It was a large group of us so some had to share a scattergories board. Bob and I were sitting next to each other on the couch so we shared a board. I was sitting with my knee bent up and it just so happen to be resting on Bob's knee. Pretty early on into the game my leg began to fall asleep. I didn't want to move it away from Bob's knee though so I just let it go numb.

Anyways, back to our weekend. Friday night we ate dinner with our good friends and danced the night away. A band played after dinner and we had so much fun dancing with the kids. Ella and Harper would have danced till midnight if we let them. They were keeping up with the big kids doing the cupid shuffle and all! It was so so fun!

Ella loves flowers. I do too, just not taking care of them. I'm lazy and remembering to water flowers is not at the top of my list. We made a trip to Home Depot to get some flowers for Ella to plant. I told Bob ahead of time to not spend more than 10 dollars on flowers because I was not very confident in my ability to keep them alive or away from our flower picking children.

Turns out McKenna cares more about the mud then picking the flowers.

She even gave it a little taste.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend too and is having a great week!

Guest Posting at Vanilla Tulip

We are THRILLED to be guest posting over at Vanilla Tulip.  

Ashley is so beautiful, kind, sweet, smart and her blog is chock full of tutorials, crafts, homeschooling, recipes and ways to save.  She is so inspirational and has been such a good friend in the blogging community for us.  

So, go check her out and wave to us and our Gak post while you are there!

Super Suits

Wednesday was Ben and Sassy's last day of school.  SO crazy how ridiculously fast this year has gone.  I just cant believe it.

The last day of school they had "super hero day" so, we went to wal mart and got some fabric to make their capes.

I couldn't figure out how to wrap them around their necks in a way that wouldn't bother them so I just sewed the capes to the backs of their shirts.  (What?  Thats maybe the most ghetto thing in the world?  I know. Just don't tell them yet.)

Avery decided she wanted one too, so now we have three superheros in the house.


We are obviously working on the masks and the getting the actual location of their eyes to coordinate with the holes...And I did sew around the felt on their shirts, these pics are just pre-sewing.
(So far they didn't notice that all the other kids at school bought their costumes, so they were much cooler looking.  We are keeping them brainwashed as long as we can.)
Just for fun- here they are on their first day of school-

 Apparently ben has gotten too cool to hug throughout the year.
Time flies when you're having fun, I guess.
So very thankful for their teachers, their new friends and how God led us through this year so incredibly.
I am so excited about summer, I cant stand it.

summertime!

Ella rocked some crimps for her last day of school. 

Don't have a crimper? No problem. You too can rock this look. All you have to do is sleep on a head full of braids.

Nothing says summer like TCBY. Ella passed out these gift cards on her last day of school.

We hope to spend many summer days enjoying some white chocolate mousse!

Today we meet with the ENT to schedule Ella's tonsillectomy. The sooner the better. Ella went to the dentist last week and turns out she has some cavities. I'm embarrassed to even say how many. (you would need both hands to count) She really does brush her teeth. 

See.

The dentist wants to piggyback with the ENT and fill her cavities at the same time she gets her tonsils removed. It makes sense but also makes me so sad to think about how hard this is going to be on Ella.  

Besides all the crazy things to come, our summer couldn't have started out any better! Ella finished school on Friday and had her first dance recital on Saturday! It was the best weekend! 

I grew up taking dance so I have been living vicariously through her counting down the days till Ella's recital. That was always my favorite part and I knew Ella was going to love it too. Ella is a full blown girly girl. Getting to wear mascara might have been her favorite part. Well, next to the red roses. Ella loves red roses. She calls them wedding flowers because I carried red roses at my wedding. Ella knows this because she requests to watch my wedding video at least once every couple of weeks. Hilarious and so sweet. 

Both Bob and I's parents and my sister Anna and Tyler came to watch Ella's dance. It was so so wonderful having everyone here and Ella felt so special. Dawn and Billy were keeping Elizabeth over the weekend so it was an extra treat for Ella to have her cousin there too!

Ella did awesome! She knew all the dance moves and had such a sweet and happy smile on her face the whole time. On the car ride home she was talking about how much fun the recital was so I asked her if she wanted to do dance again. She said, "No. I want to do soccer. Soccer like Avery." Ok! Lets give soccer a try next!