1/19/12

Word for the Year

First of all, how amazing is mckenna's party??? Allison is so creative!  Her parties never cease to amaze me.  Everything she does can seem like a simple idea but she thinks of everything and puts it together so perfectly that you wonder how she thought of everything.
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(this pic really has nothing to do with anything, I just think who wants to read a post without a picture???)
I didn't really know how much I loved when people had a "word for the year" until I found myself reading so many people's words that they chose.  I am not one to really to do something that would require me to have to focus on one thing and remember that one thing, because that makes me very likely to forget about it, and just be sad when I remember (much later).  
I also am the type to buckle under my own pressure to do anything (ex quitting anything that I love-TV, candy, french fries, etc. If I decide to quit something, I run as fast as I can straight to whatever it is and have a 100 of them as soon as, maybe, 10 min after I "quit" it).  I really had to think about the idea of focusing on something in the hopes that I would stick with it.
When 2012 rolled around though, I found myself so excited to find out what Beth's word would be, then later saw that other people's blogs that I read like, Casey Weigand had a word and, even after I had picked my own, just yesterday, I loved reading about Shannan's word, and got inspired all over again.
After the drama with my over analyzing and self-tricking mind of merely deciding to have a word, then there is the actual word itself.  Should it be an adjective that I want to be like, a verb I should do or a noun that should be apart of my life???
I prayed about it, and the word "faith" just kept showing up in everything I was studying at BSF and other areas of my life.  Through different circumstances I have been reminded how incredibly blessed I am and how small my faith actually is.  It really breaks my heart.  The Lord has blessed me with so much in this life and for some reason I don't trust Him. I am scared to sleep at my house alone with my kids for fear something will happen; afraid of where we will move next and I will have to go through the same drama as moving the last few times; afraid that something will happen to my family members or that I will get sick or hurt; that I am not doing what I should be doing as a mom or a friend or with the talents or (lack of talents) I have been given; the list goes on and on.
It is ridiculous. 
I hate that my faith is so small.
And there is no reason for it- I have a wonderful life with wonderful, healthy kids and a wonderful husband.  Moving has been my hardest thing so far (and that is not real.  people have real problems, I know.) and God has provided people in my life that are so incredible.  I was so worried when we moved that it would be so difficult and God answered my prayer so quickly-I have friends that are more amazing than I would have ever thought (I mean, we get together to knit, crochet and workout.  Pretty perfect for me.) and so do my kids.  He truly guided us through every step, and everything turned out better than I imagined.  I want to have faith that that will happen again when we move and that He will guide us to where we should live after this, in every area of my life.
I want my kids to grow in their faith too.  I want them to believe and trust even though I struggle so much with it.  I also struggle with my faith and overall belief in God.  If all of this is actually real and if this is going to work out if I trust in God and Heaven and His promises.  Wondering whether or not they are real.  I know that it often can sound so odd and unbelievable in my head, but its also the only thing that truly makes sense.  I know that is sort of an oxymoron, but in the end, believing in, trusting and seeing all that God truly has done in my life gives me peace.  I always come back to Him and His promises.
So, there it is-faith.  I am praying that my faith will grow, reveal itself in all areas of my life and truly change my life.  If I truly have faith in God and His control of my life then I should be able to rejoice in everything and fully relax in Him.  I should be able to have patience and be kind to others- if I am not worried about myself or the future it should free me up to think and love on others.  Hopefully it will grow an attitude of peace and joy as a result of growth in my faith.
I know this is not your normal LL post and I totally understand if its a little bit personal and there are probably readers who don't believe exactly what I believe and thats ok.  I just wanted to share my word here because so many others have inspired and encouraged me with theirs.
Here we go, faith.

9 comments:

Misty said...

well said. i'm very inspired by this post :)

laura jo said...

I love this post. Thank you for being so honest and open. I like how your word of the year has kind of chosen you. I like that it's not a verb, but it has action associated with it. My word (or phrase) is "being intentional means...". Hopefully it will help me become less selfish this year - ha! One can only hope!

The Azams said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have the same struggles myself. In fact as I was reading this I could hear myself saying these same things to my husband a few weeks ago...knowing I believe God and His promises but having a hard time trusting Him when real life sets in. Thank you for being so honest...that's why I love reading your blog. I love that you can share how God is working in your life...and how sometimes that doesn't look perfect and sometimes in the midst of His work we don't understand it all. It's honestly beautiful. Praying for you.

Meghan

jennifer said...

perfectly said!

Beth said...

Love it! Thank you for sharing your word and your stories.

Moon and Sun said...

Thank you sharing your heart and your "word".... I needed to read this as I could have literally written, word for word, this myself....

Cassie, Alex & Dresden said...

Kristen, that was just beautiful. Seriously. And so relevant for me, as faith is something I've been struggling a lot with lately. Thank you for sharing your heart on this one!

BrookeD said...

Thanks Kristen :) I loved this. It's amazing and encouraging to me that I can feel so conflicted about something or feel like I'm really struggling with something and then I find out that so many other people feel the same way.
Guess we're all in the same boat :)

Alexis said...

Of course I L.O.V.E this post. I too could have written it myself. Intentional, is my word of the year and you have inspired me to blog about. Ya'lls blog is the perfect mix of fun and personal.

And the picture is precious!

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