Cheers to a Dozen Years

We went to Utah with my parents and Kai over the weekend, and on the 14th Jeff and I celebrated our 12 year anniversary.

I have no idea how that is possible.

You get married and start having kids and then all of a sudden you have less time left with them at home than you have had with them so far.

It just blows my mind.

 And sometimes when I should be feeling so happy and grateful, am actually feeling l like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

This life that I have with this husband who loves and supports me and drives me crazy, and these healthy, beautiful, unique, and fun kids, and parents, and brothers, and family, and friends, and church and school friends.  I can not ever be grateful enough.

I dont want to keep living in fear and waiting for all of this to blow up.

I want to be grateful.  SO grateful- and peaceful and overflowing with thankfulness.

It is not always easy for me because I carry a lot of guilt about how much I have been given.  And I am learning to let go of that guilt and just trust that God is using me and has me here in this place for a reason.  Even if it is the best place in the world and I dont understand why everyone cant have this same life that I am so undeserving of. 

 I dont want to give the wrong impression- it's not all rainbows and sunshine over here.  We have hard times and depression and struggles, but there are truly no other people I would rather be going through all of this with.

And it seems like I am reminded more and more often of how very fleeting this life is, and how little time I have with everyone who I love.

I hope they all know how much I value them and how grateful I am to be in their lives.

And I hope God knows how incredibly grateful I am for the life He gave me.

Here's to dozens of years more.  And may my attitude of gratefulness and thankfulness grow more and more as each year passes.