Im much too young to feel this damn old

Im going to start naming all my posts after Garth songs.
But, man.
This has been one of the hardest summers of my life.
Not because all of my kids were home- because that is my favorite.  Not in an annoying "i love my kids more than other moms" kind of way- not at all.  I just like to have the day to do whatever we want, and the pool always being an option.  I like being around my kids and just having them in the vicinity-even if everyone is doing their own things. I mean, lets be honest, its probably more of a lazy thing. Of course, I also like my alone adult time, obviously. But having summer have an end, and that  when it does, we all go back to responsibility and stress and learning and growing. Ugh. I mean, I like learning and growing, in theory.  Just not deadlines and signing papers that I will inevitably loose as soon as I get it.  Or sign it, not knowing what it says, and then never do what I said I would do when I signed it.  Or the actual learning and growing part, too.  Those types of things.
But, ya, unrelated to those types of things, this summer has been draining.  And sometimes I want to blog and remember everything so good and fun-which it is-but sometimes I just want to remember exactly what I was thinking the first week of school when I was missing my kids slip n sliding in the back yard.
I am not ready to be a grown up.  You know what I mean?  This week alone I have already over committed myself to doing so many things I said I would do- which I obviously want to be the person that does what I say I will do, but man.  Its hard sometimes.  Sometimes, because I truly can not put my baby anywhere but my lap when she is awake.
As I am reading this back I sound so terribly annoying.
I am so sorry. I am completely aware that I have so many many blessings and please know how very thankful I am for all of those.  The baby that I just got up from her nap is the most incredible blessing to our little family and I do not for one second take her health or those of my family lightly.  And I have friends who are going through truly terrible and heartbreaking things as I write this petty post.  I am watching them choose joy and allow themselves to grow and change in spite of their deep deep hurt.  It give me so much perspective and hope.  It inspires me to look beyond my own hurt and pity party.  (well, in just a minute)
And I just bought all of Garth Brooks music for $29.99 and it is downloading to my phone as we speak, so things are looking up.
I just mean, school came like a freight train and I am still not emotionally stable enough to handle it.
Whew. I dont like to brag on my stability as a human being.
Thankfully, I can sit here and look at pictures of chickens and kids that are growing and changing right before my eyes.
And all of this growing and changing has got to bring good- despite my constant push back against it.


Misty said...

girrrrrl, I know just what you mean!!!! I feel the EXACT same way. I am so glad one of us was able to express it in words… I just tend to cry about it after they go to sleep. I am getting better. It just took 3 school days in a row before I was stable enough to come out of my room after I put them to bed.
love your chickens & the pics of your sweet kids!

BrookeD said...

I love this. And I love you!! Not petty or annoying at all Silly! You're honest. I miss you!
And I got the Garth downloads too!!!! :)

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